What hurts the Most
by mydemonsangel
Summary: Houki reflects on what she wishes she had told Hotohori before his death while there son plays. Song fic to Rascall Flatts what hurts the most.


Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi or the song What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts.

Houki sat watching her son Boushin play in the palace garden. As she watched the sun begin to sink she thought about the man she had married but had left her so soon. She wanted to curse Suzaku for stealing from her the one thing she held dear, make that one of two things. She thought that it was so unfair that her son would never know the man that he inherited his looks, attitude and empire from.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me,

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out,

I'm not afraid to cry every once in awhile,

even though going on with you gone still upsets me.

As a few tears slipped down her face Houki could have sworn she saw his face in the sky, smiling down on her and their child. Boushin walked over to him mom and touched her leg, the child had never spoken yet Houki understood him completly. " I'm fine, just need some rest. It's time for bed little one." She picked him up and walking with him took him to his room in the palace. She couldn't let her son know just how much he reminded her of his father, even though she loved him she didn't want to reveal to him just how badly she was suffering.

There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay,

But that's now what gets me,

After she tucked her son in Houki went to her own room, after changing into the lavender nightgown he had bought her as a wedding gift she sat down at her mirror to brush her hair. Sitting there just staring at her reflection she remembered the long hours they had spent just sitting their holding each other and talking. They had shared everything from his stories as one of the Suzaku warriors to her own stories of a home she had left many years before.

what hurts the most

was being so close

and having so much to say,

and watching you walk away,

and never knowing,

what could have been

and not seeing that love in you

is what i was trying to do.

The day he left, she remembered it. Boushin had not been born yet. She watched him ride away on his favorite horse, a lock of her hair was tied by a red string and was then sewed into his clothes for luck. Watching him leave she felt as if she would never see him again. She cried even harder when she realized what tommorow was. The anniversary of his death. Chichiri and Tasuki would come and then a week after they would begin to train Boushin. Even Miaka and Tama were going to try and come back for this event.

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you every where I go,

but I' m doing it,

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone,

Still harder getting up getting dressed living with this reget

but I know

Houki hated it, the fact that she never told him how she truly felt, not being by his side but most of all, him never meeting his son.

If I could do it over,

I would trade give away all the words that i'd saved in my heart

that i'd left unspoken

what hurts the most

was being so close

and having so much to say,

and watching you walk away,

and never knowing,

what could have been

and not seeing that love in you

is what i was trying to do.

The next day Houki woke and got ready to greet her guest. As they all arrived a miracle happened. Tamahome allowed Hotohori control over his body so he could talk to his son. With all the warriors watching Hotohori embraced his son for the first time in the body of his friend.

what hurts the most

is being so close

and having so much to say,

and watching you walk away,

and never knowing,

what could have been

and not seeing that love in you

is what i was trying to do.

As Tamahome set the boy down he spoke his first word, "Dada" In all the peoples eyes that witnessed a new light shined. One of hope that everything would be okay and even though their friends were gone they would not be forgotten.

Hatorisflower: I know kind of stupid but it was really late and I was really bored. If you ever saw the actual music video to this song though it is a guy singing it but the song is about a girl who's boyfriend is killed in a freak car accident and she regrets not telling him something. so yeah that's where i got my information from. oh yeah and i will be posting another oneshot soon on Miaka and all of the suzaku warriors relationship.


End file.
